Russell Media - Laurie

I dread going to the grocery store. It seems each time I go I’m in a hurry, with a time limit hanging over my head.

One time a while back, my kids and I went to the smaller, more expensive store by our house. We only needed a few things, and like always, I was in a hurry. The kids hung on to sides of the cart as I darted down each aisle in a race against the clock. I was like a mini van with a turbo engine weaving around other customers. And then I was forced to slow down.

My cart faced the backside of a little ol’ grandma who had parked her cart in the middle of the lane. She looked at one shelf, took a few steps and then looked some more. She turned and saw us waiting. A smile spread across her face and she said hello to the kids and then went back to her shopping.

She seemed oblivious that we were waiting on her to move. So I did what I’d want someone else to do if it was my mother in that situation, I smiled, pretended to be on the wrong row, turned around and hurried off. However, we must have been shopping for the same items because she was everywhere I needed to be and her cart remained in the way. I was getting annoyed, really annoyed. Didn’t she remember it’s rarely fun to shop with young kids hanging on your cart?

We finished up and I shuttled the kiddos out to the car. As I loaded my groceries, out came the little ol’ grandma and a store employee. He loaded her groceries as she chatted away. I could tell he was trying to cut her off and get back to work. I feared I was next to be chatted up by her so I hurried with my groceries in hopes of pulling off before the store employee was able to get away.

Then I heard her say something that changed everything, “My husband died about a month ago. It’s so hard eating dinner by myself. I don’t know how to shop and cook for just one person.”

Ouch, ouch, OUCH!

It literally took my away breath. She wasn’t a self-absorbed shopper taking up the aisle…she was a new widow learning how to survive without her husband and to eat alone. I was the self-absorbed one. I felt like such a jerk.

I stalled as I finished loading my car, I felt the need to talk with her. She said good-bye to the grocery boy and turned to face me. I didn’t know what to say so I commented on the fancy doors of her truck. She began telling me the story of her husband and how he wanted her to have a safe car. She wanted to save money but now that she’s alone, she figured he was right.

We talked for fifteen minutes. I was late to our next appointment but truly humbled that day. God reminded me that the heart of His children is more important than the busyness of my life.

This happened years ago and I still don’t know what to do with it. There are so many lonely and hurting people around me but I fear I’m often too distracted by my “to do” list to see them, and sometimes even care. We live in the earth’s most populated age yet many of us feel isolated and suffer alone.

I know I need to slow down, say “no” more and “be” in the moments of life. I often fear I’m raising my kids to live a busy life. I want them to live, love and be not survive, overlook and hurry. This is the first Saturday we have  no soccer or baseball games and I'm literally thinking of ways we need to "fill" the day and be productive versus enjoying one another. Where's the balance?

So, do any of you out there ever feel the same? Do you have any insight on how to slow down without pulling out of life?

Thanks for listening and your thoughts are cherished!

God's amazing in the way He daily teaches me. The other day I drove to the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed a man on the corner holding a sign asking for money. This particular corner is continually occupied by people asking for money and I’ve found myself no longer noticing those on it.

This day I was on my cell phone (don’t tell Oprah – I am trying hard to make my car a “no phone” zone but I'm not quite there yet.) When I drove by this gentleman, I made eye contact with him. My normal response is to quickly look away. However, on this day I felt a nudge to lock eyes, smile and nod my head acknowledging him. The thought crossed my mind If he’s still there when you leave…give him money.

I forgot about him as I shopped but when I got in my car to head home, he was still on the corner with his sign. Normally the traffic makes it awkward to stop but on this day, no one else was around.

My earlier pledge to give him money returned to me. I didn’t know if this was God’s spirit nudging me or just a random thought. I do know that I have a tendency to ignore this “voice” because it often puts me in uncomfortable situations or at times costs me something. I figured I better listen so I stopped, rolled down my window and handed the man some money.

He graciously accepted the money and “God-blessed” me. Then he said something that opened my eyes, “I saw you on your phone when you came in. You smiled at me. I wanted to tell you that you have a pretty smile.”

Wow – I was temporarily speechless. I regained my composure and told him he’d made my day. I drove off lost in thought. He recognized and remembered me.

So many times I drive by the individuals on the street asking for help and look straight through them. It’s not intentional, but that’s what I do. I figured they do the same with me. They see so many of us a day I assumed they look through us too.

However, it hit me…they see us not see them!

A snowball of thoughts ran through my head. What does it feel like to be invisible? When I’ve “looked through them” in the past, what did I do to their self-worth? Even worse, how does it make God feel? I’ve watched kids on the playground ignore my children as they tried to join in and it broke my heart.

Am I breaking God’s heart as I look through others on the street (think Brandon Heath’s song Give Me Your Eyes)?

I know this is a controversial topic, but is it okay to look at those on the street but not give? Is acknowledging them alone enough? How do you think Jesus wants us to reach out to those on the street who are at a low point in life?

I’m still mulling through this as this gentleman’s words ring fresh in my ears. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear.

The other night my daughter came to me with tears. Week’s prior she had been at a friend’s house. While there, she was goofing off and did something that required the mom to correct her. She never told me about the incident but when she overheard me inviting these friends over, she panicked.

“I’m scared. I’m scared she (the mom) doesn’t like me and will tell others what I did and they won’t like me,” she cried. “I keep trying to forget about it but I can’t!”

Initially I had that dread of, “Oh great, what did my kid do this time?” But when she explained the incident to me it was actually quite harmless. Phew! However to a child it felt like she was carrying a boulder.

We talked about it and prayed about it but it she didn’t feel better. I told her to sleep on it and we’d see how she felt in the morning.

The next day she woke still worried about seeing her friend’s mom. I told her perhaps the reason she’s not feeling peace after praying about it is because there’s something else that God wants us to do.

"What about apologizing?"

“No, no! I don’t think I can apologize. I don’t want to do it. I want to forget about it but it’s so hard to! I can’t.”

It hit me then, forgiveness, peace and freedom from this burden she was carrying were right in front of her but she was unwilling to accept what was required to receive it.

I totally understand what she's feeling. It’s hard to go to someone and admit fault and ask for forgiveness. It’s uncomfortable, awkward. Plus, you don’t always know how the other person will respond.

However, I know my friend. There is no doubt in my mind she would lovingly forgive Anastasia and do everything in her power to assure her all is fine.

This whole situation has thrown me. Normally Anastasia has no problem apologizing to us, her family. She knows we love her and will forgive her. However, she doesn’t know my friend that well. To her, the outcome is unknown.

When I wrong someone, it’s easy for me to go to God and ask for forgiveness. He’s family. But also...I don’t have to look Him in the eye. And He’s promised to always forgive us.

However, apologizing to the person I’ve offended…that’s hard. Humans-we’re unpredictable. We’re not always guaranteed of a good outcome. But when we do give genuine apologies, there is a release, a freedom. We know that we’ve done everything in our power to make the situation right and to me it is worth it. Whether they accept our apology or not.

Why is it so hard to apologize to one another?

I’m still working with Anastasia. At the moment she’s still carrying around her burden needlessly. But, I’m at a loss on how to help her.

Any suggestions out there?

Do you think there’s a time to apologize and a time to just let things go?

When we lack peace, do you think it’s a sign that God is asking us to make the step in apologizing?

Let me know what you think!