Russell Media - Laurie

"I don’t think I love God anymore.”

Did I just say that out loud?

My gaze searched the faces of the ladies in my Bible study. They were now silent and appeared to be waiting for me to finish my statement and to soften my words. But I was tired of faking it.

He had become a joyless obligation. I served out of duty and told others about him to fulfill a requirement. My language, lifestyle and dress were determined by a set of guidelines. My face wore an eternal smile by day but my heart was filled with apathy and nagged awake with doubts at night.

I had questions that I was afraid to ask and they were draining the lifeblood out of my soul. It wasn’t until one night as I prepared for the next days Bible study, God pushed me in a corner and asked me, “Do you love me? Do you truly love me?”

“I don’t know. I want to, I’m trying to but I don’t know what to do.”

Finally an older member in the group responded, “Of course you love God. You’re just a little burned out right now. It’ll get better.”

She was right, sort of. I was a full-time mother of young kids, in full time ministry. That’s hard work. However, I was doing everything I knew of to refuel and tap into God – Bible study, church, serving, praying – I even occasionally took real Sabbaths. Why wasn’t it working? Something else was missing. What had caused me to question my love for a God who had always been faithful?

Burnout is like a virus that sneaks up on you. It may instantly knock you out but there are usually symptoms working as red flags, warning us that we’re coming down with something. But…these flags may not be red, rather beige and not easily seen unless we know what to look for.

Part of me feels it’s trickier to see and prevent spiritual burnout. It’s not always easy to recognize and may be harder to reverse it. Who wants to say, “I feel a little burned out on God” or “I would like to serve in the nursery but it’s hurting my relationship with God.” Nope – it’s too hard to admit and embarrassing to say. But it’s true, it happens and it’s real.

God created us to work and be productive but not to run ourselves into the ground. He also formed us to love him and each other – authentically. A balance is needed, one that can be found in a transparent relationship with ourselves, others and God.

I guess in a sense you can say that I had a spiritual breakdown. It took me honestly going before God and honestly telling him the condition of my heart. It was then that God began revealing personal hindrances in my life that prevented me from experiencing a true love for him. I can still find myself bordering burnout - but by being honest with God and myself I now see the warning flags before they turn red.

Do you ever deal with spiritual burnout?

What are the warning signs God’s given you?

Any insight to help others?