Russell Media - Laurie

My heart is very sad today and my house is empty. You see my parents, my sister and her family came for a visit and they just left to drive back home to the other side of the country. For the last eight days we’ve had twelve people in our home. It was fun…a crazy, crowded type of fun. A week-long slumber party that returned us adults to our childhood.

But now they’re gone and our house is so quiet and empty. I walk into a room with the instinct to step over a mattress, suitcase or toy, but nothing is there. It is all packed up and exaggerates the pain and loneliness I’m feeling.

It’s not fun feeling pain.

I’m reminded of a sign I once read in a race. I was running in my first marathon. We were at mile twenty with a little over six more miles yet to run. My legs were shutting down and my heart was beginning to question my ability to finish. I approached a curve in the road where a lone man stood with a sign that read, "Where there is pain, there is life.”

This quote gave me a surge of energy. The year before race I was healing from a c-section, the year before that, knee surgery to fix a torn ACL. I was experiencing pain but it was a healthy pain that reminded me that I was alive. I was able to move, be active and meet a personal challenge.

Emotional pain is hard. It often paralyzes us and tempts us to mask and fight it with substances, busyness and hardened hearts.

This past week, as the end of my family’s trip drew near, I found myself tempted to distant myself from them emotionally. I began planning out activity for the kids and me to fill our time after they left. I focused on the clutter and tried to lift my spirits at the thought of it being gone. These mental games almost worked until God reminded me of something important…

I love and I am loved and where there is love, there will be pain. However, if I continue to implement tactics designed to mask the pain I risk the opportunity of experiencing true love from another individual.

The pain I’m feeling reminds me that my heart still has the ability to care, to feel. It motivates me to reach out to those I love, to stay connected and tell and show them that I love them. People need to know when they are loved. When we have the confidence of being loved, we’re better able to give it away.

Prayer, time and the endorphins of a good workout do a good job of healing a hurting heart. So, I think I’ll sign off now and spend some time praying, thanking God for my awesome family and maybe take our pups for a long walk, knowing in time the pain will be replaced with joy.

I ask a favor of you today – make sure your loved ones know that you love them. The world needs more confidence in knowing it is loved.

Do you have any insights on lessons God’s taught you through pain, emotional or physical?

I dread going to the grocery store. It seems each time I go I’m in a hurry, with a time limit hanging over my head.

One time a while back, my kids and I went to the smaller, more expensive store by our house. We only needed a few things, and like always, I was in a hurry. The kids hung on to sides of the cart as I darted down each aisle in a race against the clock. I was like a mini van with a turbo engine weaving around other customers. And then I was forced to slow down.

My cart faced the backside of a little ol’ grandma who had parked her cart in the middle of the lane. She looked at one shelf, took a few steps and then looked some more. She turned and saw us waiting. A smile spread across her face and she said hello to the kids and then went back to her shopping.

She seemed oblivious that we were waiting on her to move. So I did what I’d want someone else to do if it was my mother in that situation, I smiled, pretended to be on the wrong row, turned around and hurried off. However, we must have been shopping for the same items because she was everywhere I needed to be and her cart remained in the way. I was getting annoyed, really annoyed. Didn’t she remember it’s rarely fun to shop with young kids hanging on your cart?

We finished up and I shuttled the kiddos out to the car. As I loaded my groceries, out came the little ol’ grandma and a store employee. He loaded her groceries as she chatted away. I could tell he was trying to cut her off and get back to work. I feared I was next to be chatted up by her so I hurried with my groceries in hopes of pulling off before the store employee was able to get away.

Then I heard her say something that changed everything, “My husband died about a month ago. It’s so hard eating dinner by myself. I don’t know how to shop and cook for just one person.”

Ouch, ouch, OUCH!

It literally took my away breath. She wasn’t a self-absorbed shopper taking up the aisle…she was a new widow learning how to survive without her husband and to eat alone. I was the self-absorbed one. I felt like such a jerk.

I stalled as I finished loading my car, I felt the need to talk with her. She said good-bye to the grocery boy and turned to face me. I didn’t know what to say so I commented on the fancy doors of her truck. She began telling me the story of her husband and how he wanted her to have a safe car. She wanted to save money but now that she’s alone, she figured he was right.

We talked for fifteen minutes. I was late to our next appointment but truly humbled that day. God reminded me that the heart of His children is more important than the busyness of my life.

This happened years ago and I still don’t know what to do with it. There are so many lonely and hurting people around me but I fear I’m often too distracted by my “to do” list to see them, and sometimes even care. We live in the earth’s most populated age yet many of us feel isolated and suffer alone.

I know I need to slow down, say “no” more and “be” in the moments of life. I often fear I’m raising my kids to live a busy life. I want them to live, love and be not survive, overlook and hurry. This is the first Saturday we have  no soccer or baseball games and I'm literally thinking of ways we need to "fill" the day and be productive versus enjoying one another. Where's the balance?

So, do any of you out there ever feel the same? Do you have any insight on how to slow down without pulling out of life?

Thanks for listening and your thoughts are cherished!

The other day, Mark and I did our first bike ride together of the season. We each had less than an hour available but felt the need for a quick workout. So we chose a location near our house.

Since our time was limited, I thought it would more of a chance to just do something together vs. getting a “real” workout. Boy I was wrong…the wind made sure of it.

The weather looked beautiful…perfect cycling weather. From our window it looked cool and calm, however, within the moments of hitting the road, I realized that “calm” wasn’t the best word to describe it.

The wind blew on and off as we left our neighborhood as if warning us of what lay ahead. We knew as we got closer to the river and moved towards the dam that it would only get worse.

We turned out of our neighborhood and onto a main road that led us down to the river. The wind slapped us in the face. In minutes it moved from blasting our fronts to pushing on our sides as we crossed the bridge. Gusts of wind made random attempts to blow us over. I’m still a newbie to road biking. I found if I coasted I felt more vulnerable but if I pedaled I was more secure.

We approached the entry to the Greenbelt, the paved path that runs along the Boise River. We were heading towards Lucky Peak Dam when the wind once more hit us head on. Mark and I rode next to each other, attempting to talk, but the wind’s whistling made it hard to hear each other. Periodically I had to move over behind him as another cyclists approached us from the other direction. It gave me moments of rest as I rode in Mark’s stream and his body blocked some of the wind from me.

When we reached the dam, I looked at my watch. It had taken a longer than normal. I mentioned this to Mark and he smiled, “Yes, but on the way home we’ll have the wind at our backs pushing us along.” It did and it was noticeably easier. We went from the wind’s resistance to its assistance.

Life is a lot like the wind. From a distance it may look like a gentle breeze but once you’re out in it, you realize the winds around you are strong. You don’t always know which direction it’s going to hit. It may be pushing you along and then in an instance it changes directions and threatens to knock you over.

It’s easier to ride with the wind is on our backs, helping to push us along. We save energy and go faster. However, easier is not always best, especially when we have a destination to reach. God has given us each our own goals to obtain. We may face resistance but it often makes us stronger and clarifies where we’re to go.

Here are some lessons I learned on my ride…

1. When we coast we may save energy but it can make us vulnerable to forces trying to knock us down. There are times to coast and rest but if you do it too long, you eventually stop.
2. Riding against the wind requires more energy but it makes us stronger (my legs are feeling it today!)
3. It’s wise to work as a team. Riding in your partner’s stream will give you periodic breaks from the full force of the wind. Just be sure to return the favor.
4. When the wind is on your back, utilize it and enjoy it. However, be prepared for sudden changes.
5. Take advantage of each opportunity to spend time with your spouse, friend, partner, etc. Enjoy it to its max and never take them for granted. You’ll learn a lot along the way.

Noah, our 9-year-old, was in a slump recently…a little league batting slump that is. He was hitting well the beginning of the season then in one game, three of his teammates hit homeruns…over the fence! It was awesome and homerun was a goal to obtain.

Noah came home that day talking about the homeruns and even prayed for one of his own. The next game I noticed anxiety in his body language. His fingers rolled, hips swayed and his nose wrinkled. He wanted a homerun and it showed in his swing. On each pitch he swung as if he were fighting off a charging mountain lion.

Swoosh... 

He managed to get on base most of the time but the quality of his hits had suffered. The slump continued for a few games and it began eating away at his confidence. I noticed a new nervousness in his stance during the games and a quietness in his persona afterwards.

Mark worked with him on his batting. One day he called Noah’s coach, Aaron, to see if the batting cages were open. He told Mark he was heading up there with his son and invited Mark and Noah to join him and he’d work with Noah too. When they got there, another teammate was there. He had some trouble with batting in the last game and Aaron called and invited him to join them.

Later that evening Mark came home he told me about it. We were both amazed with Aaron’s dedication to the boys on his team. He travels a good bit with work so he doesn’t have an abundance of free time. So sharing the free time he has with his son with other people’s kids is pretty huge.

Last night Anastasia had a Daisy meeting. So I dropped her off and Noah and I went across the street to practice batting. He was hitting like crazy. He was smiling and enjoying the time. His confidence had increased. I commented on the improvement to which he said, “Coach Aaron told me when to lift my foot and when to swing the bat. Now I know when to do it.”

You see, I never would have known to tell him this but that tidbit of knowledge is helping him improve in his hitting. For a 9-year-old who loves baseball, this knowledge is huge and helping him to feel whole. This is important to him in this time in his life and it’s spilling over into other areas.

There’s a passage in the Bible when children wanted to spend time with Jesus. Adults around him were shooing them away thinking Jesus was too important to spend his free time with kids. Jesus quickly admonished the adults and invited the children to join him. He knew He had something to offer that they needed…his time and his wisdom.

I adore my children and try to give them what they need to help them become their best. But there are some things in life I just don’t know (okay…a lot of things.) Coach Aaron didn’t brush off my kid and his teammate that day, he invited them in. He shared with them his time and knowledge.

Now I’m not saying we should all go teach Sunday school or coach our kid’s team. Do only what God has asked of you. However, my point is whenever you are with children, don’t consider it wasted. You’re making an impact on their lives and helping them grow into the man or woman they are to become.

Coach Aaron gave to Noah that day and last night I saw how he had grown because of it. So to the coach Aarons of the world, I thank you. You are a blessing to our children and to us. Thank you for challenging me to do the same.

Do you have a “Coach Aaron” in your life?

Any ideas on ways we can become one ourself?

God's amazing in the way He daily teaches me. The other day I drove to the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed a man on the corner holding a sign asking for money. This particular corner is continually occupied by people asking for money and I’ve found myself no longer noticing those on it.

This day I was on my cell phone (don’t tell Oprah – I am trying hard to make my car a “no phone” zone but I'm not quite there yet.) When I drove by this gentleman, I made eye contact with him. My normal response is to quickly look away. However, on this day I felt a nudge to lock eyes, smile and nod my head acknowledging him. The thought crossed my mind If he’s still there when you leave…give him money.

I forgot about him as I shopped but when I got in my car to head home, he was still on the corner with his sign. Normally the traffic makes it awkward to stop but on this day, no one else was around.

My earlier pledge to give him money returned to me. I didn’t know if this was God’s spirit nudging me or just a random thought. I do know that I have a tendency to ignore this “voice” because it often puts me in uncomfortable situations or at times costs me something. I figured I better listen so I stopped, rolled down my window and handed the man some money.

He graciously accepted the money and “God-blessed” me. Then he said something that opened my eyes, “I saw you on your phone when you came in. You smiled at me. I wanted to tell you that you have a pretty smile.”

Wow – I was temporarily speechless. I regained my composure and told him he’d made my day. I drove off lost in thought. He recognized and remembered me.

So many times I drive by the individuals on the street asking for help and look straight through them. It’s not intentional, but that’s what I do. I figured they do the same with me. They see so many of us a day I assumed they look through us too.

However, it hit me…they see us not see them!

A snowball of thoughts ran through my head. What does it feel like to be invisible? When I’ve “looked through them” in the past, what did I do to their self-worth? Even worse, how does it make God feel? I’ve watched kids on the playground ignore my children as they tried to join in and it broke my heart.

Am I breaking God’s heart as I look through others on the street (think Brandon Heath’s song Give Me Your Eyes)?

I know this is a controversial topic, but is it okay to look at those on the street but not give? Is acknowledging them alone enough? How do you think Jesus wants us to reach out to those on the street who are at a low point in life?

I’m still mulling through this as this gentleman’s words ring fresh in my ears. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear.