Russell Media - Laurie

I dread going to the grocery store. It seems each time I go I’m in a hurry, with a time limit hanging over my head.

One time a while back, my kids and I went to the smaller, more expensive store by our house. We only needed a few things, and like always, I was in a hurry. The kids hung on to sides of the cart as I darted down each aisle in a race against the clock. I was like a mini van with a turbo engine weaving around other customers. And then I was forced to slow down.

My cart faced the backside of a little ol’ grandma who had parked her cart in the middle of the lane. She looked at one shelf, took a few steps and then looked some more. She turned and saw us waiting. A smile spread across her face and she said hello to the kids and then went back to her shopping.

She seemed oblivious that we were waiting on her to move. So I did what I’d want someone else to do if it was my mother in that situation, I smiled, pretended to be on the wrong row, turned around and hurried off. However, we must have been shopping for the same items because she was everywhere I needed to be and her cart remained in the way. I was getting annoyed, really annoyed. Didn’t she remember it’s rarely fun to shop with young kids hanging on your cart?

We finished up and I shuttled the kiddos out to the car. As I loaded my groceries, out came the little ol’ grandma and a store employee. He loaded her groceries as she chatted away. I could tell he was trying to cut her off and get back to work. I feared I was next to be chatted up by her so I hurried with my groceries in hopes of pulling off before the store employee was able to get away.

Then I heard her say something that changed everything, “My husband died about a month ago. It’s so hard eating dinner by myself. I don’t know how to shop and cook for just one person.”

Ouch, ouch, OUCH!

It literally took my away breath. She wasn’t a self-absorbed shopper taking up the aisle…she was a new widow learning how to survive without her husband and to eat alone. I was the self-absorbed one. I felt like such a jerk.

I stalled as I finished loading my car, I felt the need to talk with her. She said good-bye to the grocery boy and turned to face me. I didn’t know what to say so I commented on the fancy doors of her truck. She began telling me the story of her husband and how he wanted her to have a safe car. She wanted to save money but now that she’s alone, she figured he was right.

We talked for fifteen minutes. I was late to our next appointment but truly humbled that day. God reminded me that the heart of His children is more important than the busyness of my life.

This happened years ago and I still don’t know what to do with it. There are so many lonely and hurting people around me but I fear I’m often too distracted by my “to do” list to see them, and sometimes even care. We live in the earth’s most populated age yet many of us feel isolated and suffer alone.

I know I need to slow down, say “no” more and “be” in the moments of life. I often fear I’m raising my kids to live a busy life. I want them to live, love and be not survive, overlook and hurry. This is the first Saturday we have  no soccer or baseball games and I'm literally thinking of ways we need to "fill" the day and be productive versus enjoying one another. Where's the balance?

So, do any of you out there ever feel the same? Do you have any insight on how to slow down without pulling out of life?

Thanks for listening and your thoughts are cherished!

Noah, our 9-year-old, was in a slump recently…a little league batting slump that is. He was hitting well the beginning of the season then in one game, three of his teammates hit homeruns…over the fence! It was awesome and homerun was a goal to obtain.

Noah came home that day talking about the homeruns and even prayed for one of his own. The next game I noticed anxiety in his body language. His fingers rolled, hips swayed and his nose wrinkled. He wanted a homerun and it showed in his swing. On each pitch he swung as if he were fighting off a charging mountain lion.

Swoosh... 

He managed to get on base most of the time but the quality of his hits had suffered. The slump continued for a few games and it began eating away at his confidence. I noticed a new nervousness in his stance during the games and a quietness in his persona afterwards.

Mark worked with him on his batting. One day he called Noah’s coach, Aaron, to see if the batting cages were open. He told Mark he was heading up there with his son and invited Mark and Noah to join him and he’d work with Noah too. When they got there, another teammate was there. He had some trouble with batting in the last game and Aaron called and invited him to join them.

Later that evening Mark came home he told me about it. We were both amazed with Aaron’s dedication to the boys on his team. He travels a good bit with work so he doesn’t have an abundance of free time. So sharing the free time he has with his son with other people’s kids is pretty huge.

Last night Anastasia had a Daisy meeting. So I dropped her off and Noah and I went across the street to practice batting. He was hitting like crazy. He was smiling and enjoying the time. His confidence had increased. I commented on the improvement to which he said, “Coach Aaron told me when to lift my foot and when to swing the bat. Now I know when to do it.”

You see, I never would have known to tell him this but that tidbit of knowledge is helping him improve in his hitting. For a 9-year-old who loves baseball, this knowledge is huge and helping him to feel whole. This is important to him in this time in his life and it’s spilling over into other areas.

There’s a passage in the Bible when children wanted to spend time with Jesus. Adults around him were shooing them away thinking Jesus was too important to spend his free time with kids. Jesus quickly admonished the adults and invited the children to join him. He knew He had something to offer that they needed…his time and his wisdom.

I adore my children and try to give them what they need to help them become their best. But there are some things in life I just don’t know (okay…a lot of things.) Coach Aaron didn’t brush off my kid and his teammate that day, he invited them in. He shared with them his time and knowledge.

Now I’m not saying we should all go teach Sunday school or coach our kid’s team. Do only what God has asked of you. However, my point is whenever you are with children, don’t consider it wasted. You’re making an impact on their lives and helping them grow into the man or woman they are to become.

Coach Aaron gave to Noah that day and last night I saw how he had grown because of it. So to the coach Aarons of the world, I thank you. You are a blessing to our children and to us. Thank you for challenging me to do the same.

Do you have a “Coach Aaron” in your life?

Any ideas on ways we can become one ourself?

Mark and I like telling the story of when we applied for or marriage license.

We’d just finished with school and wanted to go overseas as missionaries. However, our agency required us to be married for an amount of time before sending us off. So we decided to pick a place and live there for the required time.

We’d always wanted to live out west so we chose Portland, OR. Our plans were to pack up our cars and drive across country after we returned from our honeymoon. We figured we’d find temp jobs and a furnished apartment once we got to Portland.

It sounded like a solid plan to us. Well, at least until we had to say it out loud…

We went to the courthouse to get our marriage license. The clerk who was assisting us asked us, “Where is your place of residence?”

“Uh…we don’t have one. We plan on getting a place in Portland after we marry.”

“Oh, okay.” Nervous laughter. “Well, who is the name of your employer?”

Feeling a little embarrassed now we look at each other, “Um…we’re not sure at the moment. We just finished school and will get something once we’re out there.”

She laughed again and made small talk about the freedom of being young as she typed up our form. She then handed it over to us and asked us to proof it before signing.

We looked at the form and laugh. For our place of residency and employment were two words…

Homeless and Unemployed.

Yep…Mark can never accuse me of marrying him for his money! 

I recently read the book Angry Conversations With God by Susan Isaacs. It’s a memoir of her journey to find faith, love and success as an actress. Dissatisfied in how it all had turned out, she takes God to marital counseling. It’s creatively written and an easy read.

One thing she mentioned in her counseling sessions really struck home with me. She came to the realization that she had married God for his money. The stuff. The “goods” that He promises to bless us with.

Wow…that made me uneasy.

I struggled with this for a while. Did I do the same? Have I married God for his money?

I mean, we read in the Bible how He wants to bless us, provide our every need, give us the abundant life, etc. The Bible even tells us that everything we’ve been given is for our enjoyment (I Tim. 6:17). So is it wrong to want it?

What's the difference between marrying God for His money vs. desiring His blessings?

As I wrestled with this I paid more attention to my prayers. I noticed they were loaded with requests for the goods and God's anointings.

At least they weren’t all just for me, or my family, but I did find my time with God was mainly filled with me asking Him for help and stuff. I wasn’t there to just be with Him, love Him, and get to know Him.

Don’t get me wrong; I feel God wants us to ask. We have not because we ask not, right? I believe God enjoys giving to us the same way I enjoy giving to my children.

However, the times our kids want to just be with me are priceless. When they want to sit on the couch next to me and talk or just be in the room with me as I work – solely because they want my presence to be nearby. These are times I truly treasure.

Does anyone resonate with this?

How do we balance the asking of God with just being with Him and getting to know Him?

Is it even wrong to want to be with God for what He can do for us, through us, with us?

Any thoughts or suggestions?

The other night my daughter came to me with tears. Week’s prior she had been at a friend’s house. While there, she was goofing off and did something that required the mom to correct her. She never told me about the incident but when she overheard me inviting these friends over, she panicked.

“I’m scared. I’m scared she (the mom) doesn’t like me and will tell others what I did and they won’t like me,” she cried. “I keep trying to forget about it but I can’t!”

Initially I had that dread of, “Oh great, what did my kid do this time?” But when she explained the incident to me it was actually quite harmless. Phew! However to a child it felt like she was carrying a boulder.

We talked about it and prayed about it but it she didn’t feel better. I told her to sleep on it and we’d see how she felt in the morning.

The next day she woke still worried about seeing her friend’s mom. I told her perhaps the reason she’s not feeling peace after praying about it is because there’s something else that God wants us to do.

"What about apologizing?"

“No, no! I don’t think I can apologize. I don’t want to do it. I want to forget about it but it’s so hard to! I can’t.”

It hit me then, forgiveness, peace and freedom from this burden she was carrying were right in front of her but she was unwilling to accept what was required to receive it.

I totally understand what she's feeling. It’s hard to go to someone and admit fault and ask for forgiveness. It’s uncomfortable, awkward. Plus, you don’t always know how the other person will respond.

However, I know my friend. There is no doubt in my mind she would lovingly forgive Anastasia and do everything in her power to assure her all is fine.

This whole situation has thrown me. Normally Anastasia has no problem apologizing to us, her family. She knows we love her and will forgive her. However, she doesn’t know my friend that well. To her, the outcome is unknown.

When I wrong someone, it’s easy for me to go to God and ask for forgiveness. He’s family. But also...I don’t have to look Him in the eye. And He’s promised to always forgive us.

However, apologizing to the person I’ve offended…that’s hard. Humans-we’re unpredictable. We’re not always guaranteed of a good outcome. But when we do give genuine apologies, there is a release, a freedom. We know that we’ve done everything in our power to make the situation right and to me it is worth it. Whether they accept our apology or not.

Why is it so hard to apologize to one another?

I’m still working with Anastasia. At the moment she’s still carrying around her burden needlessly. But, I’m at a loss on how to help her.

Any suggestions out there?

Do you think there’s a time to apologize and a time to just let things go?

When we lack peace, do you think it’s a sign that God is asking us to make the step in apologizing?

Let me know what you think!

I woke up this morning thinking about Good Friday and how ironic it is that we call it “good.” What’s so good about seeing an innocent person executed?

 Of course we call it “good” now because on that day Jesus paid the ultimate cost for us, allowing us direct communion with God the Father. We are no longer carry the burden, the heaviness of sin that is inside of us.

We are free of that debt – and debt is a word we hear about a great deal today. So many of us better understand the meaning of debt and the burden it give us.

Imagine if someone over night paid off all of your bills - your house, your car, the credit cards, student loans, and medical bills. What freedom that would be!

I often dream of being rich enough to anonymously pay off medical bills for the couple with a sick child or the house payment for a widow and her children or the mounting utility bills for the man who’s been laid off. To release someone from such a huge load while in the midst of a turbulent time would be almost therapeutic. A rush.

But what if it cost you something you loved?

What was God the Father experiencing that day?

Did He feel a huge sense of dread that Friday, knowing He was about to send his Son to be killed? That in Jesus’ greatest hour of need, He’d have to turn His back on Him because of our sin.

Or did He have a spiritual high of knowing many would soon be released of their outstanding debt of sin?

Did He feel both? Did He question if it was worth it? What made Him go through with it?

I couldn’t do it. Just another reason I’m not God. But I’m too selfish. The love I have for my children is a love like no other. I don’t think I have it in me to put them through hell in order for others, who’re undeserving, to stay out of it.

Thank God that God is different. :-)

He has the same love for each of us that He has for Jesus. Jesus chose to be the sacrificial lamb so we all would be together one day.

For this reason I call today VERY Good Friday.

Because of Jesus I will never be asked to pay this price – He’s already done it. Because of Jesus a way has been made for all to find God and Heaven. Because of Jesus my sins have been paid and I’m no longer bound by them. Because of Jesus, I love God the Father more because I’m able to see how much He loves me.

It’s a good day when to remember that we are free and we are loved. Thank you my Lord…today is a very good day and I’m eternally grateful.