Russell Media - Laurie

I’m a big fan of the National Geographic Show, The Dog Whisperer. I record and watch it whenever I get a chance. It’s amazing how much I learn from Cesar Milan, a.k.a. the Dog Whisperer. We have two black lab pups at home, and believe me, we can use all the help we can get. However, by watching the show I’ve not only learned better ways to handle our dogs. I’ve also been reminded of life principles I can use with my family.

One time I mentioned this to a group of my friends. They all laughed and began making jokes about me poking Mark in the side and loudly, “Shhhshing” him whenever he got distracted. And of course making him walk behind me – my personal favorite.

After the laughter died down, I shared a story with my friends to illustrate my point.

It was a weeknight and my 9-yr-old was up later than normal. We had overbooked ourselves after school with a play date and soccer practice. As he got ready for bed he “realized” that he had not finished his homework. When I asked if he wanted to do it now or get up earlier in the morning, he went into meltdown mode. I was suddenly the bad guy who put him in this situation, which, ahem, ticked me off. Being tired also, in a matter of seconds I went from being the mom he knows and loves to a crazed freak. (I really believe my head did at least one 360, maybe two). I lost it and yelled to him, “Get down here now and do your homework!”

Thrown off by my display, he hurried down the stairs. I got the action I wanted, but it didn’t feel right. He wasn’t in a learning mode. He actually seemed afraid of me, which is not something I want my child to feel. I sat down next to him, not sure how to fix what I had just done. He sniffed and I could tell he was trying not to cry. An internal conflict of sorrow and anger battled inside of me. I didn’t like the fact I had just yelled at my son but I was also tired of often being blamed for his mistakes.

A selfish, self-centered part of me wanted him to be the first to see his wrong and apologize for the way he had treated me earlier. A more mature side of me knew I too was in the wrong. I was the adult and needed to model an apology to him for the way I had lost my temper.

A principle Cesar teaches is that the pack leader is there to love the pack versus the pack being there to make the leader feel loved. The pack leader puts the care and balance of the pack before himself. In other words, sometimes the pack leader has to lose face in order to care for the good of a pack member.

Okay – I didn’t hear Cesar saying this in my head but God did whisper in my mind, “I gave Noah to you so you could teach him how to love. Now love him.”

Why does love require so much self-sacrificing?

I put my arm around Noah, “I love you buddy. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. Will you forgive me?”

He remained stiff and shrugged, “Uh huh.”

All right, not the response I was looking for. I wanted him to lose face also and melt in my arms and tell me he loved my back. I wanted to feel his instant love and forgiveness. Okay, now I felt a bit biffed. I had to remind myself again, I’m the parent. He’s in my life so I can love him - model unconditional love to him.

Parenting is hard. Being in a family is hard. Being a human and trying to give unconditional love is even harder.

God models this to us every day but it’s impossible for us to match the depth of His love for us.  There are number of times I blame Him for my mistakes but He lovingly sits beside me waiting for me to warm up and come to my senses. He knows I’m unable to truly love without Him loving me first.

Noah eventually warmed up to me before he went to bed and we had some good cuddle time as we talked about things we could do to prevent a repeat of the night. It took time, patience and me being willing to show him love without receiving it in return. It was hard as my flesh wanted to revert to my grade school days and give attitude back to him. However…no one ever said love was easy – but it’s so worth it.

Do you have any lessons on loving first?

There is one more story I’d like to share as I end the series on life lessons learned while living overseas. It’s another one from Russia but it’s a special one engrained in my heart.

The Russian town I lived in was small by Russian standards, only about 100,000 people. There was one small and very old hospital. The previous year I had an emergency appendectomy there and soon realized there is not much to do during the day. No televisions, no food service, nothing – just some radios that didn’t work that well. Visitors were greatly treasured.

A teammate and I began weekly visits with the patients in the women’s ward. The women on this ward were in the hospital for 4 weeks. Needless to say they were eager to talk with anyone who walked through the door.

At this time, the majority of Bibles available were written in an old Russian translation that was hard for many to understand. Our organization sent us with copies of a version of the New Testament written in modern Russian. My teammate and I brought these Bibles with us as we visited the women and gave them out. Most were desperate for something new to read and they eagerly took one.

The hospital rooms usually housed 8 to 10 people.  The first week we’d mainly introduce ourselves, get to know the women, talk for a bit and then move to the next room. The second and following weeks most had read the New Testament and would load us with questions. As the weeks progressed some talked about God and others were more interested in learning about America. The women knew we always came on Wednesday and would wait for us.

One week as we entered a room and a woman began talking away frantically. We had met her the previous week. Our interpreter told us she was concerned because a fellow patient had been moved to another ward. This friend of hers had questions for us. She asked if we’d go with her to look for her friend.

We only had permission to work on the women’s ward but she was persistent so we followed her. Up and down the floors we went, peaking our heads into each room. They were all filled with men. “Maybe she went home,” she told us.

There was one room we had yet to try. We knocked lightly and walked inside. Only two beds were in this room. A woman in one of the beds looks at our hands, “What’s that? What do you have?”

“It’s part of the Bible, the New Testament. We are here visiting patients and giving them to anyone who’d like one.”

The woman began sobbing and speaking dramatically. Was she angry? Was she happy? It was hard to tell. Our interpreter and the woman were deep in conversation. Have we done something wrong or offensive to her?

A few minutes later our interpreter walked back over to us. “This is Oksana. For many years she was part of the underground church. She prayed and prayed to God for many years that He would send her someone - someone to answer her questions. More than that – she asked for a Bible she could own. Today she says God has answered her prayers.”

We were speechless. I felt inadequate. Before me was a woman of God who had endured hardship and persecution. She risked everything to meet with others to learn, know and worship God.

What impressed me even more about her was the persistence in her prayers and belief. Would I have been as faithful as her? Many times when my prayers seem to go unanswered I throw a pity party and I’m filled with doubt. “God has forgotten me. Does He really hear all of our prayers?”

Not this Oksana. She prayed, believed and waited upon the Lord. Fifty years later God hand-delivered her a Bible and she immediately credited Him. She didn’t question the wait – only celebrated the answered prayer. It was a beautiful thing to see.

The Bible tells us to pray continually (I Thes. 5:17). By doing so we’re given wisdom and endurance. When God’s answer to our prayer walks through the door, we know immediately it is from Him and are able to celebrate freely.

So my friends, life is short and so why waste it in pity and doubt. Pray continually, listen to God wholeheartedly and wait patiently. It’s only a matter of time before you receive His gift.

Do you ever weary when your prayers seem to go unanswered?

Any verses or promises you lean on to help you endure?