Russell Media - Laurie

A couple of weekends ago it was my birthday and the kids wanted to do a breakfast for me. I was excited to be able to sleep in and the kids were thrilled to be in charge of the meal. Early on the morning of my big day (unfortunately “big” here refers to the number on my cake) the kids snuck into our room and urged Mark out of bed to help them.

Thirty minutes later Noah, my 9-year-old, entered our bedroom carrying a cup of coffee, oblivious to the thin streams of coffee that were actively dripping off the side of the cup (it appears he inherited my lack of coordination).  Yes – time for leisure reading with a cup of java. He smiled in triumphant of his accomplishment as handed me the cup of coffee. He proudly told me the menu - hot, gluten-free biscuits, eggs and bacon and then ran back downstairs to join the others.

Another fifteen minutes passed and Anastasia, who had turned 8 the day before, scurried into the room, “I made the biscuits all by myself but the recipe only made three biscuits for some reasons??!! Weird, huh! So I’m making more. Can you wait a little bit longer?” More time to sip coffee and read...no problem! She was excited to be in lady of the kitchen and skipped out of the room.

Not long after that Noah returned. He was concerned that I was bored reading by myself so he thought if he read in bed with me, it would keep me from being lonely. (Yep, I suspected a double purpose on that kind gesture but I wasn’t about to lose the opportunity of one-on-one with him.) So the two of us cuddled and read. It was fun, however, there was rumbling in my belly and I was getting hungry.

Finally it was time to eat. I was ushered to my chair and a plate filled with runny eggs, half-cooked bacon and biscuits that looked more like thin cookies than biscuits. Anastasia was immediately upset by the appearance of the meal, “It doesn’t look right!”

We reassured her that the taste was all that mattered with food. We prayed and dug into our meal. It was…”okay” and I was earning an Oscar for my interpretation of eating at a 5-star restaurant until I got to the biscuits. I tried, I really, really did. However, when I bit into the biscuit my mouth involuntarily puckered up and I began feeling a slight burning sensation followed by a metallic taste on my tongue. I faked a reason to go into the kitchen and quickly spit it the biscuit into the trash. Unfortunately our kitchen and dining room are open and everyone caught me in the act (costing me the Oscar for this year.)

In my head I was quickly trying to come up with an excuse to why I did that and before I had to, ahem…lie, Anastasia had taken a bite and discovered the same problem. The biscuits tasted like pure baking soda. If you’ve ever eaten a spoonful of baking soda unexpectedly, you know it’s hard to not respond. Anastasia was heart-broken. All her hard work backed with her pure motive of serving me felt wasted. She thought she had failed.

But she was so, so wrong. Okay, I was still hungry and felt a bit nauseated after the biscuit but – I have never before felt so loved on a birthday. Those kids planned, gave up sleep and worked hard, thinking of everything with the sole reason to make me feel special and loved…and I did!

There have been times when I have served and tried to show God my love for him in service but things went wrong – the talk was boring, the article wasn’t clear or I fumbled over my words when talking about God to others. However, God isn’t interested in perfection. He only cares about the purity of motives in my heart. Like me with my kids, He loves seeing us show our love for Him with all of our heart.

So the next time you face a blunder when serving God – don’t feel as if you’ve failed Him. If your motives are pure, I’m pretty sure His heart will be overflowing with the feeling of being loved.

How do you feel and respond with your acts of service to God go wrong?

"I don’t think I love God anymore.”

Did I just say that out loud?

My gaze searched the faces of the ladies in my Bible study. They were now silent and appeared to be waiting for me to finish my statement and to soften my words. But I was tired of faking it.

He had become a joyless obligation. I served out of duty and told others about him to fulfill a requirement. My language, lifestyle and dress were determined by a set of guidelines. My face wore an eternal smile by day but my heart was filled with apathy and nagged awake with doubts at night.

I had questions that I was afraid to ask and they were draining the lifeblood out of my soul. It wasn’t until one night as I prepared for the next days Bible study, God pushed me in a corner and asked me, “Do you love me? Do you truly love me?”

“I don’t know. I want to, I’m trying to but I don’t know what to do.”

Finally an older member in the group responded, “Of course you love God. You’re just a little burned out right now. It’ll get better.”

She was right, sort of. I was a full-time mother of young kids, in full time ministry. That’s hard work. However, I was doing everything I knew of to refuel and tap into God – Bible study, church, serving, praying – I even occasionally took real Sabbaths. Why wasn’t it working? Something else was missing. What had caused me to question my love for a God who had always been faithful?

Burnout is like a virus that sneaks up on you. It may instantly knock you out but there are usually symptoms working as red flags, warning us that we’re coming down with something. But…these flags may not be red, rather beige and not easily seen unless we know what to look for.

Part of me feels it’s trickier to see and prevent spiritual burnout. It’s not always easy to recognize and may be harder to reverse it. Who wants to say, “I feel a little burned out on God” or “I would like to serve in the nursery but it’s hurting my relationship with God.” Nope – it’s too hard to admit and embarrassing to say. But it’s true, it happens and it’s real.

God created us to work and be productive but not to run ourselves into the ground. He also formed us to love him and each other – authentically. A balance is needed, one that can be found in a transparent relationship with ourselves, others and God.

I guess in a sense you can say that I had a spiritual breakdown. It took me honestly going before God and honestly telling him the condition of my heart. It was then that God began revealing personal hindrances in my life that prevented me from experiencing a true love for him. I can still find myself bordering burnout - but by being honest with God and myself I now see the warning flags before they turn red.

Do you ever deal with spiritual burnout?

What are the warning signs God’s given you?

Any insight to help others?