Russell Media - Laurie

Last week was our kids’ Spring Break so, Mark and I took the week off and we all headed to Disneyland. Now to some this may sound more like torture than a vacation – especially when you consider that we drove there from Boise, ID (Yep…15 hours in the car each way!) But it was a great time.

I love Disney – it is the land of adventure but it’s also the land of meltdowns for both parent and child. Thousands of people corralled through a handful of entry points who then walk miles, only to wait in line for hours (in all kinds of weather), for a 30 second ride.

Expectations are high. Kids are over excited. All it takes is one little kink for one’s patience to implode and we’re over reacting and saying things we don’t really mean.

Talk about highs and lows of emotions.

Space Mountain was our kids’ favorite roller coaster and we rode it numerous times. On one occasion we were loaded up in our seats, ready to go when one of the workers casually stepped in front of our train and pulled us to another track and behind a curtain.

Initially we were all making jokes with other passengers but internally I was irritated. The ride before Mark and Noah had been stuck on another roller coaster for 40 minutes. It seemed like we were spending a lot of our time dealing with broken machinery.

Moments later another car pulled up next to us. It was a family of 4. In the front seat were the son and his mother. She was gray and unconscious. It was scary and emotional. Praise God she was okay but for a moment we were unsure.

Later that day Mark and I talked about how impressed we were with the Disney staff and the way they handled the situation. There was potential for panic to arise in a small area filled with hundreds of people. The staff remained calm and only a handful of people were aware of the medical emergency that took place.

The Disney employees knew what to do and immediately worked as a team to help this family in need. They were young and handling a situation most twenty-year-olds never face. They obviously had been trained well by Disney in what to do in this circumstance.

There are times when my daily life is interrupted and my reaction is not the best. I dramatize it only to regret it later. Many times this is due to my spirit not being properly trained or prepared for the day. When I neglect the time and focus needed to condition my heart to handle the trials of life, my response is often not glorifying to God.

But, when my heart is prepared with prayer and time communing with God, I have a peace that transcends all understanding. In the midst of chaos, there is an unexplainable calmness enabling me to meet the need at hand.

How do you find peace in the midst of the stress of life?

Do you have any stories of see God’s peace in the midst of trial?

I work from home most days. It’s really nice, especially since the lack of a commute saves me time and money. One morning I knew I wasn’t going to see anyone else until late afternoon. The kids were at school, Mark was at the office so I decided to save even more time and go with the “natural” look. I skipped my daily routine of putting on make-up. In a hurry to take advantage of my extra time, I jumped right into work.

About an hour after I started, the doorbell rang. I peeked out the window and saw it was our delivery guy in search of a signature. When I opened the door he looked at me and seemed thrown off a bit, “Oh, you’re home. I sure hope I didn’t wake you.”

Hmmm…why did he say that? I didn’t delay in answering the door. It was almost 10:00 a.m. on a weekday. Why would he think I’d still be in bed?

As I returned to my desk, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I stopped. I knew. My face, which is normally covered with beauty products, was completely bare. My imperfections glared. My eyes seemed smaller, my nose looked bigger and my hair was definitely nappier. I looked more like a woman fresh out of bed rather than one fresh for the day.

The rest of the morning was spent with me obsessing over my lack of “natural” beauty.

I have a love/hate relationship with beauty. The old saying tells us that “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” but if this is true, why do I feel enslaved to it? Maybe it’s our present definition of it. Why do I feel the need for my body to be a certain size and my hair to not be a certain color? Why is it that I can I find beauty on the TV but not in the mirror? Something is wrong.

Perhaps part of the problem is our culture’s misconstrued definition of beauty. Dictionaries define beauty as something that that brings great pleasure to the senses or blesses the mind. I like this – it’s quite nice. According to this definition, beauty can be found basically anywhere. But if my skin is not a certain color or my jeans a particular size, I feel ugly.

I did an informal word search in a Bible program on the words “beauty” and “beautiful.” There I noticed two things. With the exception of the books of Esther and Song of Solomon, these two words were generally used to describe God or part of his creation and the other warned us of the dangers of depending on our own beauty or man-made beauty.

Again, this was an informal study but it appears that God knew that our obsession for beauty would take our eyes off of Him and what He has given us, and then place it on ourselves. We like beauty. We want it and will do what it takes to have it. In the process we lose sweet communion with God.

I personally don’t see harm in trying to improve my appearance but when it causes my focus to leave God and then fixate it on myself, I’m in insecure territory. I see all that I’m not. However, when my eyes are on God and all who He is, I see all that I am in Him. I see true beauty – one that blesses the mind and brings true pleasure. I’m filled with peace instead of anxiety. And to me, that sounds beautiful.

For now, I’ll continue to wear make-up most days but I’m won’t worry if others do a double take and wonder if I’ve been sick due to my small eyes. I may never see the natural color of my hair again. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I actually remember it. Either way, when the gray makes its way through I’ll see it as a reminder that God has given me some great years and memories…and hopefully some wisdom learned along the way.

How about you? Does our culture’s definition of beauty haunt you? Any insight on how you deal with it? How are raising your children to deal with it?

My heart is very sad today and my house is empty. You see my parents, my sister and her family came for a visit and they just left to drive back home to the other side of the country. For the last eight days we’ve had twelve people in our home. It was fun…a crazy, crowded type of fun. A week-long slumber party that returned us adults to our childhood.

But now they’re gone and our house is so quiet and empty. I walk into a room with the instinct to step over a mattress, suitcase or toy, but nothing is there. It is all packed up and exaggerates the pain and loneliness I’m feeling.

It’s not fun feeling pain.

I’m reminded of a sign I once read in a race. I was running in my first marathon. We were at mile twenty with a little over six more miles yet to run. My legs were shutting down and my heart was beginning to question my ability to finish. I approached a curve in the road where a lone man stood with a sign that read, "Where there is pain, there is life.”

This quote gave me a surge of energy. The year before race I was healing from a c-section, the year before that, knee surgery to fix a torn ACL. I was experiencing pain but it was a healthy pain that reminded me that I was alive. I was able to move, be active and meet a personal challenge.

Emotional pain is hard. It often paralyzes us and tempts us to mask and fight it with substances, busyness and hardened hearts.

This past week, as the end of my family’s trip drew near, I found myself tempted to distant myself from them emotionally. I began planning out activity for the kids and me to fill our time after they left. I focused on the clutter and tried to lift my spirits at the thought of it being gone. These mental games almost worked until God reminded me of something important…

I love and I am loved and where there is love, there will be pain. However, if I continue to implement tactics designed to mask the pain I risk the opportunity of experiencing true love from another individual.

The pain I’m feeling reminds me that my heart still has the ability to care, to feel. It motivates me to reach out to those I love, to stay connected and tell and show them that I love them. People need to know when they are loved. When we have the confidence of being loved, we’re better able to give it away.

Prayer, time and the endorphins of a good workout do a good job of healing a hurting heart. So, I think I’ll sign off now and spend some time praying, thanking God for my awesome family and maybe take our pups for a long walk, knowing in time the pain will be replaced with joy.

I ask a favor of you today – make sure your loved ones know that you love them. The world needs more confidence in knowing it is loved.

Do you have any insights on lessons God’s taught you through pain, emotional or physical?

I dread going to the grocery store. It seems each time I go I’m in a hurry, with a time limit hanging over my head.

One time a while back, my kids and I went to the smaller, more expensive store by our house. We only needed a few things, and like always, I was in a hurry. The kids hung on to sides of the cart as I darted down each aisle in a race against the clock. I was like a mini van with a turbo engine weaving around other customers. And then I was forced to slow down.

My cart faced the backside of a little ol’ grandma who had parked her cart in the middle of the lane. She looked at one shelf, took a few steps and then looked some more. She turned and saw us waiting. A smile spread across her face and she said hello to the kids and then went back to her shopping.

She seemed oblivious that we were waiting on her to move. So I did what I’d want someone else to do if it was my mother in that situation, I smiled, pretended to be on the wrong row, turned around and hurried off. However, we must have been shopping for the same items because she was everywhere I needed to be and her cart remained in the way. I was getting annoyed, really annoyed. Didn’t she remember it’s rarely fun to shop with young kids hanging on your cart?

We finished up and I shuttled the kiddos out to the car. As I loaded my groceries, out came the little ol’ grandma and a store employee. He loaded her groceries as she chatted away. I could tell he was trying to cut her off and get back to work. I feared I was next to be chatted up by her so I hurried with my groceries in hopes of pulling off before the store employee was able to get away.

Then I heard her say something that changed everything, “My husband died about a month ago. It’s so hard eating dinner by myself. I don’t know how to shop and cook for just one person.”

Ouch, ouch, OUCH!

It literally took my away breath. She wasn’t a self-absorbed shopper taking up the aisle…she was a new widow learning how to survive without her husband and to eat alone. I was the self-absorbed one. I felt like such a jerk.

I stalled as I finished loading my car, I felt the need to talk with her. She said good-bye to the grocery boy and turned to face me. I didn’t know what to say so I commented on the fancy doors of her truck. She began telling me the story of her husband and how he wanted her to have a safe car. She wanted to save money but now that she’s alone, she figured he was right.

We talked for fifteen minutes. I was late to our next appointment but truly humbled that day. God reminded me that the heart of His children is more important than the busyness of my life.

This happened years ago and I still don’t know what to do with it. There are so many lonely and hurting people around me but I fear I’m often too distracted by my “to do” list to see them, and sometimes even care. We live in the earth’s most populated age yet many of us feel isolated and suffer alone.

I know I need to slow down, say “no” more and “be” in the moments of life. I often fear I’m raising my kids to live a busy life. I want them to live, love and be not survive, overlook and hurry. This is the first Saturday we have  no soccer or baseball games and I'm literally thinking of ways we need to "fill" the day and be productive versus enjoying one another. Where's the balance?

So, do any of you out there ever feel the same? Do you have any insight on how to slow down without pulling out of life?

Thanks for listening and your thoughts are cherished!

The other day, Mark and I did our first bike ride together of the season. We each had less than an hour available but felt the need for a quick workout. So we chose a location near our house.

Since our time was limited, I thought it would more of a chance to just do something together vs. getting a “real” workout. Boy I was wrong…the wind made sure of it.

The weather looked beautiful…perfect cycling weather. From our window it looked cool and calm, however, within the moments of hitting the road, I realized that “calm” wasn’t the best word to describe it.

The wind blew on and off as we left our neighborhood as if warning us of what lay ahead. We knew as we got closer to the river and moved towards the dam that it would only get worse.

We turned out of our neighborhood and onto a main road that led us down to the river. The wind slapped us in the face. In minutes it moved from blasting our fronts to pushing on our sides as we crossed the bridge. Gusts of wind made random attempts to blow us over. I’m still a newbie to road biking. I found if I coasted I felt more vulnerable but if I pedaled I was more secure.

We approached the entry to the Greenbelt, the paved path that runs along the Boise River. We were heading towards Lucky Peak Dam when the wind once more hit us head on. Mark and I rode next to each other, attempting to talk, but the wind’s whistling made it hard to hear each other. Periodically I had to move over behind him as another cyclists approached us from the other direction. It gave me moments of rest as I rode in Mark’s stream and his body blocked some of the wind from me.

When we reached the dam, I looked at my watch. It had taken a longer than normal. I mentioned this to Mark and he smiled, “Yes, but on the way home we’ll have the wind at our backs pushing us along.” It did and it was noticeably easier. We went from the wind’s resistance to its assistance.

Life is a lot like the wind. From a distance it may look like a gentle breeze but once you’re out in it, you realize the winds around you are strong. You don’t always know which direction it’s going to hit. It may be pushing you along and then in an instance it changes directions and threatens to knock you over.

It’s easier to ride with the wind is on our backs, helping to push us along. We save energy and go faster. However, easier is not always best, especially when we have a destination to reach. God has given us each our own goals to obtain. We may face resistance but it often makes us stronger and clarifies where we’re to go.

Here are some lessons I learned on my ride…

1. When we coast we may save energy but it can make us vulnerable to forces trying to knock us down. There are times to coast and rest but if you do it too long, you eventually stop.
2. Riding against the wind requires more energy but it makes us stronger (my legs are feeling it today!)
3. It’s wise to work as a team. Riding in your partner’s stream will give you periodic breaks from the full force of the wind. Just be sure to return the favor.
4. When the wind is on your back, utilize it and enjoy it. However, be prepared for sudden changes.
5. Take advantage of each opportunity to spend time with your spouse, friend, partner, etc. Enjoy it to its max and never take them for granted. You’ll learn a lot along the way.

God's amazing in the way He daily teaches me. The other day I drove to the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed a man on the corner holding a sign asking for money. This particular corner is continually occupied by people asking for money and I’ve found myself no longer noticing those on it.

This day I was on my cell phone (don’t tell Oprah – I am trying hard to make my car a “no phone” zone but I'm not quite there yet.) When I drove by this gentleman, I made eye contact with him. My normal response is to quickly look away. However, on this day I felt a nudge to lock eyes, smile and nod my head acknowledging him. The thought crossed my mind If he’s still there when you leave…give him money.

I forgot about him as I shopped but when I got in my car to head home, he was still on the corner with his sign. Normally the traffic makes it awkward to stop but on this day, no one else was around.

My earlier pledge to give him money returned to me. I didn’t know if this was God’s spirit nudging me or just a random thought. I do know that I have a tendency to ignore this “voice” because it often puts me in uncomfortable situations or at times costs me something. I figured I better listen so I stopped, rolled down my window and handed the man some money.

He graciously accepted the money and “God-blessed” me. Then he said something that opened my eyes, “I saw you on your phone when you came in. You smiled at me. I wanted to tell you that you have a pretty smile.”

Wow – I was temporarily speechless. I regained my composure and told him he’d made my day. I drove off lost in thought. He recognized and remembered me.

So many times I drive by the individuals on the street asking for help and look straight through them. It’s not intentional, but that’s what I do. I figured they do the same with me. They see so many of us a day I assumed they look through us too.

However, it hit me…they see us not see them!

A snowball of thoughts ran through my head. What does it feel like to be invisible? When I’ve “looked through them” in the past, what did I do to their self-worth? Even worse, how does it make God feel? I’ve watched kids on the playground ignore my children as they tried to join in and it broke my heart.

Am I breaking God’s heart as I look through others on the street (think Brandon Heath’s song Give Me Your Eyes)?

I know this is a controversial topic, but is it okay to look at those on the street but not give? Is acknowledging them alone enough? How do you think Jesus wants us to reach out to those on the street who are at a low point in life?

I’m still mulling through this as this gentleman’s words ring fresh in my ears. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear.

The other night my daughter came to me with tears. Week’s prior she had been at a friend’s house. While there, she was goofing off and did something that required the mom to correct her. She never told me about the incident but when she overheard me inviting these friends over, she panicked.

“I’m scared. I’m scared she (the mom) doesn’t like me and will tell others what I did and they won’t like me,” she cried. “I keep trying to forget about it but I can’t!”

Initially I had that dread of, “Oh great, what did my kid do this time?” But when she explained the incident to me it was actually quite harmless. Phew! However to a child it felt like she was carrying a boulder.

We talked about it and prayed about it but it she didn’t feel better. I told her to sleep on it and we’d see how she felt in the morning.

The next day she woke still worried about seeing her friend’s mom. I told her perhaps the reason she’s not feeling peace after praying about it is because there’s something else that God wants us to do.

"What about apologizing?"

“No, no! I don’t think I can apologize. I don’t want to do it. I want to forget about it but it’s so hard to! I can’t.”

It hit me then, forgiveness, peace and freedom from this burden she was carrying were right in front of her but she was unwilling to accept what was required to receive it.

I totally understand what she's feeling. It’s hard to go to someone and admit fault and ask for forgiveness. It’s uncomfortable, awkward. Plus, you don’t always know how the other person will respond.

However, I know my friend. There is no doubt in my mind she would lovingly forgive Anastasia and do everything in her power to assure her all is fine.

This whole situation has thrown me. Normally Anastasia has no problem apologizing to us, her family. She knows we love her and will forgive her. However, she doesn’t know my friend that well. To her, the outcome is unknown.

When I wrong someone, it’s easy for me to go to God and ask for forgiveness. He’s family. But also...I don’t have to look Him in the eye. And He’s promised to always forgive us.

However, apologizing to the person I’ve offended…that’s hard. Humans-we’re unpredictable. We’re not always guaranteed of a good outcome. But when we do give genuine apologies, there is a release, a freedom. We know that we’ve done everything in our power to make the situation right and to me it is worth it. Whether they accept our apology or not.

Why is it so hard to apologize to one another?

I’m still working with Anastasia. At the moment she’s still carrying around her burden needlessly. But, I’m at a loss on how to help her.

Any suggestions out there?

Do you think there’s a time to apologize and a time to just let things go?

When we lack peace, do you think it’s a sign that God is asking us to make the step in apologizing?

Let me know what you think!

I woke up this morning thinking about Good Friday and how ironic it is that we call it “good.” What’s so good about seeing an innocent person executed?

 Of course we call it “good” now because on that day Jesus paid the ultimate cost for us, allowing us direct communion with God the Father. We are no longer carry the burden, the heaviness of sin that is inside of us.

We are free of that debt – and debt is a word we hear about a great deal today. So many of us better understand the meaning of debt and the burden it give us.

Imagine if someone over night paid off all of your bills - your house, your car, the credit cards, student loans, and medical bills. What freedom that would be!

I often dream of being rich enough to anonymously pay off medical bills for the couple with a sick child or the house payment for a widow and her children or the mounting utility bills for the man who’s been laid off. To release someone from such a huge load while in the midst of a turbulent time would be almost therapeutic. A rush.

But what if it cost you something you loved?

What was God the Father experiencing that day?

Did He feel a huge sense of dread that Friday, knowing He was about to send his Son to be killed? That in Jesus’ greatest hour of need, He’d have to turn His back on Him because of our sin.

Or did He have a spiritual high of knowing many would soon be released of their outstanding debt of sin?

Did He feel both? Did He question if it was worth it? What made Him go through with it?

I couldn’t do it. Just another reason I’m not God. But I’m too selfish. The love I have for my children is a love like no other. I don’t think I have it in me to put them through hell in order for others, who’re undeserving, to stay out of it.

Thank God that God is different. :-)

He has the same love for each of us that He has for Jesus. Jesus chose to be the sacrificial lamb so we all would be together one day.

For this reason I call today VERY Good Friday.

Because of Jesus I will never be asked to pay this price – He’s already done it. Because of Jesus a way has been made for all to find God and Heaven. Because of Jesus my sins have been paid and I’m no longer bound by them. Because of Jesus, I love God the Father more because I’m able to see how much He loves me.

It’s a good day when to remember that we are free and we are loved. Thank you my Lord…today is a very good day and I’m eternally grateful.