Russell Media - Laurie

Do you ever feel God blesses everyone but you? You pray for the job promotion but it’s given to a co-worker. Your dream school sends you a letter politely telling you to go away but your best friend is immediately accepted into hers. It feels as if your dreams are on the verge of being fulfilled but are instantly yanked away, sending your emotions on a wild roller coaster ride.

While in my twenties, I lived in Atlanta and was a dancer – a hip-hop dancer. Most people laugh when they hear this but I was a white girl who had a few moves and I dreamed of using dance as a way of reaching the inner-city youth.

I prayed, fasted and trained but I only met closed doors that were bolted shut. Every so often there were doors that were “cracked” open but never enough to lead me anywhere. I wondered why God refused to bless my dream when I was doing it for Him? Why did He tease me with the times of “almost” making it?

Unfortunately this was not a one-time thing. Many events in my life appeared as if God was about to bless me but changed His mind at the last moment – playing a cruel joke on me. However, now that I have more years behind me, I look back and I see that these times of struggle actually had purpose.

1. I wasn’t ready. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for everything and sometimes that means waiting. Looking back I see that I wasn’t mature enough emotionally and spiritually to handle my dream. I wouldn’t have represented Christ properly and possibly would have burned-out.
2. I was too far ahead of God. Isaiah 30:21 tells us we have a voice that tells us which way to turn. I was so far ahead of the Voice that I didn’t hear it. God had to use the closed doors to slow me down to His timing. Once I did, I heard Him leading me to overseas missions – where He redirected my ministry passion (and I met my future husband – totally worth it I must say)
3. We bonded in the trenches. Soldiers bond in war. Missionaries become family in the field. I believe the same is true with God. In times of trial I’m knocked down on my knees and God hovers over me, with me, that bonds me to Him like nothing else. He helps me develop perseverance that strengthens my character and dependency on Him. If life were perfect – I’d miss that time in the trenches with Him – where I see Him most.

There are still times when I wonder why He delays in His answers - I’m an impatient one who has a hard time staying still. But I try to remind myself that it’s not that God is refusing to bless me – it was quite the opposite. He is leading me to the correct spot where I can receive it. And now that I’ve seen what He gives in the trenches, I don’t want to miss out on it – there is nothing like it.

Do you ever feel overlooked by God?

What has He taught you in the times He had you wait?

Do you ever feel God blesses everyone but you? You pray for the job promotion but it’s given to a co-worker. Your dream school sends you a letter politely telling you to go away but your best friend is immediately accepted into hers. It feels as if your dreams are on the verge of being fulfilled but are instantly yanked away, sending your emotions on a wild roller coaster ride.

While in my twenties, I lived in Atlanta and was a dancer – a hip-hop dancer. Most people laugh when they hear this but I was a white girl who had a few moves and I dreamed of using dance as a way of reaching the inner-city youth.

I prayed, fasted and trained but I only met closed doors that were bolted shut. Every so often there were doors that were “cracked” open but never enough to lead me anywhere. I wondered why God refused to bless my dream when I was doing it for Him? Why did He tease me with the times of “almost” making it?

Unfortunately this was not a one-time thing. Many events in my life appeared as if God was about to bless me but changed His mind at the last moment – playing a cruel joke on me. However, now that I have more years behind me, I look back and I see that these times of struggle actually had purpose.

1. I wasn’t ready. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for everything and sometimes that means waiting. Looking back I see that I wasn’t mature enough emotionally and spiritually to handle my dream. I wouldn’t have represented Christ properly and possibly would have burned-out.
2. I was too far ahead of God. Isaiah 30:21 tells us we have a voice that tells us which way to turn. I was so far ahead of the Voice that I didn’t hear it. God had to use the closed doors to slow me down to His timing. Once I did, I heard Him leading me to overseas missions – where He redirected my ministry passion (and I met my future husband – totally worth it I must say)
3. We bonded in the trenches. Soldiers bond in war. Missionaries become family in the field. I believe the same is true with God. In times of trial I’m knocked down on my knees and God hovers over me, with me, that bonds me to Him like nothing else. He helps me develop perseverance that strengthens my character and dependency on Him. If life were perfect – I’d miss that time in the trenches with Him – where I see Him most.

There are still times when I wonder why He delays in His answers - I’m an impatient one who has a hard time staying still. But I try to remind myself that it’s not that God is refusing to bless me – it was quite the opposite. He is leading me to the correct spot where I can receive it. And now that I’ve seen what He gives in the trenches, I don’t want to miss out on it – there is nothing like it.

Do you ever feel overlooked by God?

What has He taught you in the times He had you wait?

I’ve been helping a friend with a writing project and the other day I was going through some of his notes. I came across a cool quote he had jotted down from Richard Rohr’s book Everything Belongs and it has been running through my mind. The quote goes…

“We ask God many questions – and He does answer – but we often do not understand His answers.  We try to change our events in order to avoid changing ourselves.”

There is a lot of truth in this statement. My prayers are often filled with requests for God to deliver me from this, provide me with that or to remove a certain stressor from my life. The type of answers I’m seeking are ones that bring change in my circumstances and will return peace and comfort to my life.

Now there’s nothing wrong with peace, we’re to pray and strive for it and it’s human nature to long for comfort. However comfort is basically a breeding ground for complacency. When I’m complacent my peripheral vision is lessened and I’m unaware of the danger that is lurking around me.

At times when I question God it appears He is ignoring me – at least this is how I perceive it. But Rohr’s quote reminded me that God’s main concern is not providing us with comfort and ease or removing from our lives that which disturbs us. Rather it’s molding us into His likeness. Changing within me that which is unlike Him.

It’s Christmas time and we have two incredible kids. I know I’m biased but they really are pretty awesome. There’s a part of me who wants to give them a huge Christmas. This may not sound like a bad thing – I’m doing it with a pure heart. But am I doing it with a wise heart?

Like many out there we are a bit tight this year. There have been times when I prayed for God to help me sell this article or for us to get this project in order to make some extra money. Sometimes it happened, sometimes it didn’t but when it didn’t, it felt as if God was not hearing my prayer.

Rohr’s quote revealed to me the fallacy in my thinking. It’s not that God has ignored my request but perhaps He’s working on a change in me – a change in my thinking or refining a virtue I’ve allowed to go dull.

I have a tendency to spend at Christmas time because it’s fun and feels good to shower my loves ones with gifts. However, as I recently prayed through this I realized part of my Christmas spending goes back to my childhood.

When I was young, I’d always have post-Christmas anxiety. Each Christmas afternoon a friend of mine would call me to compare the number and quality of gifts we had received. I knew my parents gave me all that they could and it was wonderful until my friend called. I’d then be plagued with the insecurity of not be “rich enough” and the jealousy of wanting what she had. It sure put a damper on the joy Christmas.

Internally there is a part of me that wants my kids to avoid this same pain. I don’t want them to feel they are not as good because their parents don’t make as much as their friends parents. Perhaps God has a purpose in this beyond my understanding. Looking back I now see the insecurity my friend caused actually bonded me to my parents. It didn’t take long for me to see the number of gifts around me and the one or two gifts around them. They sacrificed their right to receive on Christmas in order to give more to us. It gave me a sense of being loved versus pacified.

We weren’t placed on this earth to be comfortable but to learn to love God, to love others and even ourselves. I don’t know about you but learning and growing can be painful (Chemistry anyone???!!!) The same way a child’s body feels pain during growth spurts, growth in our hearts may require us to experience pain and discomfort. When we avoid the pain we miss the growth.

So as the holidays approach, the craziness begins and you find yourself shouting out a bunch of emergency prayers to God and there appears to be a delay in the answer, look a little closer. God may have sent His answer but it lies in your willingness to allow change to begin within you.

Do you find your prayers are for change in circumstances?

Does Rohr’s quote resonate with you?